Blog | Jakob Berr Photography

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon and early evening at Valerie’s to get some more moments of their regular, daily family life. Before Dreisha and Drejanay came home from school, Valerie and I spent some time together on the porch and talked a lot about the time leading up to the murder of Angela. This is where the portraits are from.

Valerie flips through a photo album with pictures of her daughter. When Angela was on life support in the hospital after the shooting, Valerie cut off a lock of her hair that she keeps with the pictures.

I don’t know which one of the two pictures I prefer. I like the lock of hair and the story behind it in the first image, but Angela is so much more present in this one, making direct eye contact with the viewer. I’d be glad for some feedback!

Once the girls came home from school, they started playing “The Game of Life” with Valerie.

Over the next months, I will be working on my professional project, the capstone of my photojournalism course at the University of Missouri. The plan is to take an in-depth look at capital punishment and the emotional impact it has on the three most immediately affected groups of people: The families of murder victims, the families of death-sentenced prisoners, and the prisoners themselves. Over the last weeks I have started researching support groups for victim families who could help me find people who might be willing to work with me. I’ve used the casenet database to find addresses of defense lawyers of death sentenced prisoners who can forward personal letters to the prisoners’ families for me. And I’ve also talked to Jeff Stack, a Columbia-based anti-death penalty activist who has great in-depth knowledge about the issue and knows a wide variety of people involved in it.

Jeff has put me in touch with Valerie Brown, a Columbia woman whose daughter Angela was murdered 10 years ago on November 7, 2000. She was shot by her boyfriend Deandra Buchanan after he killed his aunt and stepfather while being under the influence of crack. Angela had two baby girls with Deandra who were both in her arms when he shot her. The police found Angela still alive on the sidewalk, holding her two girls. She was brought to the hospital where she died four days later.

Deandra was initially sentenced to death, but the verdict was handed down by the judge as the jury in the penalty phase of the trial was deadlocked 11-1. In 2003, the Missouri Supreme Court overturned his sentence following a retroactive U.S. Supreme Court decision in Ring vs. Arizona in June 2002 that a death sentence must be handed down by a jury, not by a judge.

Valerie was left behind with her daughter’s two girls Dreisha and Drejanay, who were 2 years and 6 months old at the time of the shooting. She never supported the death penalty for Buchanan. “He’s got a lot to answer for, you know. … He is the only surviving … parent of the kids. And I know that when they grow up, they’d have [questions],” she said. Over the last ten years, Valerie has made her peace with Buchanan. Faith and family played a major role for her during that time. Finally, earlier this year, she went to see him in prison – to tell him that she had forgiven him for what he did.

I met Valerie the first time in February and interviewed her for almost an hour. Because of POYi, I wasn’t able to see her again until Mid-March. When I met her the second time, I asked her if she would let me photograph her and the two girls, and she was immediately ok with it. I started working with them on the Easter weekend when they had an egg hunt in their backyard. Besides raising her two grand daughters, Valerie took in a number of foster children and started running a day care and consequently, her house is always full of children and people who drop off or pick up their kids. Currently, two foster children who are up for adoption are living with Valerie and her granddaughters.

Photographing the past is always difficult, if not impossible to do, especially when the events in question happened such a long time ago. I will not be able to tell much about Angela in pictures except for a detail or two of her pictures in the house. In order to tell Valerie’s story, I will have to focus on the impacts that the loss of her daughter had on her life. The relationship with her grandchildren, her devotion to the foster and day care kids, her faith, but also the pain that still lives inside her and comes through every once in a while.

Below are a few selects from my first days with Valerie. They are not great, and they are definitely not yet where they should be in terms of showing all these things. I consider them visual notes. But spending that time with Valerie and her family was very important for getting to know and trust each other and to gradually develop the level of access that I will need to get these pictures.

Dreisha smiles at Valerie as she is speaking on the phone while they are preparing an Easter Egg hunt, Good Friday, April 2, 2010.

Several rings, bracelets and artificial finger nails adorn Valerie’s hands.

Valerie and her friend Paul hide the Easter Eggs in her back yard, Good Friday, April 2, 2010.

The kids, who split up in teams of two, look for the Easter Eggs in Valerie’s back yard.

Valerie and Paul help the kids count the eggs they found to decide who won the hunt.

Valerie comforts Seth (name changed on request of legal custodian), one of the foster kids who live with her.

Drejanay takes a picture of her grandmother together with Mija Hoffman, left, and Mija’s younger sister Toni Rush, the daughters of Deandra Buchanan’s aunt Juanita Hoffman, one of his three victims. Toni and Mija were driving by in their car when they saw Valerie and the girls outside. After the murder trial, they did not have much contact with Valerie and the two girls until recently. They thought that since they are blood relatives to Buchanan, Valerie might be uncomfortable with them being around.

Valerie and the kids eat at Pizza Hut, Friday, April 2, 2010.

Valerie explains to Nautica, one of the day care children, why she shouldn’t run in a restaurant, Firday, April 10, 2010.

Valerie frowns at Jayman, one of the the day care kids, as he gets to close to her beloved flower beds.

Valeire on her front porch, Friday, April 2, 2010.

From left, foster child Veronica (name changed on request of legal custodian), day care child Nautica, Dreisha, Drejanay, Valerie, Paul, foster child Seth and day care child Jayman hang out together on Valerie’s front porch during a rainy stretch on Good Friday, April 2, 2010.

Valerie tickles her dachshund Tinky. A few months back, she was offered $3,000 for the dog as he is a pure bred, but she declined. “The girls would kill me if I came home without their dog,” she said.

Valerie wipes Jayman’s nose. Jayman and his sister Nautica are at Valerie’s day care almost daily.

A photograph of Angela hangs next to recent pictures of Dreisha and Drejanay in Valerie’s living room.

Valerie, Drejanay and Dreisha are getting ready for church on Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010.

Valerie untangles a dog chain around Drejanay’s legs, Sunday, April 11, 2010. The dog had been running in circles around the girls legs while she was taking a picture with her grandmother’s new camera.

Valerie, her niece, her sisters [names to come] and Ernie [last name to come], the grandfather of the two foster children Seth and Veronica, chat in the kitchen of Valerie’s house during a family barbecue on Sunday, April 11, 2010.

Valerie fools around with her niece [name to come] during a family barbecue at her house, Sunday, April 11, 2010.

Last Thursday, I finally got to meet my friend Bharat’s wife Chaitali who is in town for a few days before they leave to Chicago next Tuesday. Together with Melvin and Atreyee, we went out for dinner at the Huhot Mongolian Grill and grabbed a drink at the Ragtag afterward. We had a great time and it really didn’t feel like we had known each other only for a couple of hours.

Yesterday, I took Bharat and Chaitali to Devil’s Backbone, one of my favorite spots around here. Its gorgeous vistas over the Cedar Creek are impressive year-round, but spring and fall are by far the best times to go there. Once again, the beauty of the nature out there took my breath away. After we spent a couple of hours at Devil’s Backbone, we went to the Shooting Star Trailhead to watch the sun set over Rock Bridge State Park from one of the rock plateaus towering over the Gans Creek. This is also where the last image is from.

I’ve been wanting to photograph the Dirty Disco Dance Party at Eastside Tavern on Friday nights for a while now, and last night I finally took my camera with me. I was playing around a lot with my new pocket wizards and off-camera flash and finally decided to position the strobe on a shelf above the entrance door, right next to one of the speakers. It took me a while to figure out the proper lighting, especially since I had to light both the DJ area and the dance floor with one strobe (bouncing off a black ceiling), but eventually I managed to get decent results by adjusting shutter speed and f-stop depending on where I was and let the strobe run on the same setting all throughout.

The irony was that my shoot was cut short once I had figured out my lighting and before the party even really started. The bass vibrations of the speaker next to strobe made it slowly bounce toward the edge of the shelf – until it dropped 8 feet deep on concrete. Amazingly enough, it was still looking alright and was even firing fine; however, the reflector zoom is in pretty bad shape, so I’ll have to send it in for repair nevertheless. So behold, here are some of the most expensive party pictures I ever took. You better enjoy!

This is the last set of pictures for now from my trip into the past times of analog photography, shot between February 14 and February 18. It’s pictures from the first week of this year’s Picture of the Year International contest where I was one of the graduate coordinators. It was an electrifying experience and we had a great time with the judges Scott Strazzante, Pedro Ugarte, Scott Mc Kiernan and Kathy Anderson.

Judging in progress at the Fred W. Smith Forum at Reynolds Journalism Institute, Monday, February 15, 2010.

POYi director Rick Shaw introduces a new category for the judges, Monday, February 15, 2010.

Michelle Peltier (center) and Calin Ilea (right) in the “drivers’ seats,” the control center of the judging shows.

Chelsea Sektnan hosts the Adobe Connect Meeting, Wednesday, February 17, 2010.

The judges Pedro Ugarte (left), Kathy Anderson (background), Scott Mc Kiernan (center) and Scott Strazzante (right) stretch their legs during a judging break. Judging sessions usually lasted from 8.30 a.m. until 8 p.m. and consisted of several thousand images a day.

The judging set-up as seen in a reflection of the window of the translator booth in the Fred W. Smith Forum.

Lunch break at Shakespeare’s, Thursday, February 18, 2010.

Calin Ilea, Scott Mc Kiernan and Pedro Ugarte during dinner at Flat Branch, Wednesday, February 17, 2010.

Scott Mc Kiernan, Pedro Ugarte and Kathy Anderson during dinner at Flat Branch, Wednesday, February 17, 2010.

Scott Strazzante, Scott Mc Kiernan and Pedro Ugarte during dinner at Flat Branch, Wednesday, February 17, 2010.

Pedro Ugarte and Kathy Anderson during dinner at Flat Branch, Wednesday, February 17, 2010.

Dessert time at Addison’s, Monday, February 14, 2010.

Paying the check at Flat Branch.

Here’s another set of pictures from my trip into the past times of analog photography, shot between February 11 and February 15. The pictures have all been taken while I was out and about in Columbia’s night life with my friends.

Melvin and Atreyee at Top Ten Wines, Thursday, February 11, 2010.

Another blurry picture, but I love the intensity of the look in Sibylle’s eyes.

For a while, dominos became really popular and we played it almost every night at Ragtag.

Anjali Pinto and Mito Habe-Evans are all dominos…

Beth Suda smoking outside the Ragtag.

Sibylle and I somehow have a thing for photographing each other photographing each other…

Nick King and Parker Eshelman at Flat Branch.

Closing the tab at Flat Branch.

Looking out on the parking lot behind Flat Branch.

Here’s another set of pictures from my trip into the past times of analog photography, shot between February 6 and February 13. They’re just random snap shots of things that cought my eye in the streets of Columbia, but it’s all stuff that sort of makes this town what it is – at least for me.

Even though it’s blurry, there is something about this image that I like. It sort of has something mysterious about it, with the clouds, the lights in the windows and the smoke (or vapor) that’s rising up from the Mosque.

Where else than in the window of Arnie Fagan’s “Cool Stuff” on Broadway can you see Moses next to Big Foot and Jesus next to a Smoking Elephant?

I wish the flag in this picture would be somewhat clearer. This is what happens when you got spoiled by the insane ISO speeds of digital photography and then go back to shooting with 400 ISO film…

Snow falls in front on Lakota’s on 9th Street. Moments after I took this picture, the sun came out and shone through the snowflakes and a guy was standing outside in front of the window in the backlight smoking a cigarette. I missed it because I was talking to a friend and when I noticed it it was already too late. By the time I had my camera up, the sun was gone. I still regret missing that picture.

The view from our apartment at night.

Here are two more pictures from my trip into the past times of analog photography, shot on February 13. Bharat Choudhary, a close friend and colleague of mine, is doing his professional project with families all over the state and even in neighboring states and he will need a car to get around – which means that he’ll have to get a Missouri driver’s license. So he asked me if he could take a few practice hours in my car, and a couple of weeks ago we went out and drove around Columbia and down Highway 63 for a while.

The day after, we both found out how lucky we were to still be alive when the right front wheel suspension of my car broke out of the blue in the parking lot opposite the Reynold’s Journalism Institute. If that had happened at 70 mph on the highway, we would have both been nothing but a bloody stain on the road…

Carefully making his way down Broadway…

The unfamiliar view from the passenger seat of my car.

About time for some updates here… Over the last weeks, I have been shooting a lot of analog black-and-white, mainly because I just felt like doing it and because I was fed up with digital photography. After posting a few initial images several weeks back, I was waiting for fresh developer for about three weeks before I could finally start developing and scanning all those rolls of film that had accumulated in my backpack in the meantime. Over the next few days, I’ll post a few selects of that time.

Today’s photos are from a hip-hop battle a couple of weeks back at the Blue Fugue. Since I didn’t really pursue a journalistic mission with this field trip into analog photography, I don’t have any captions to go with this particular set of images. But that wasn’t the point of it, either. Let me know what you think of them!

Last Sunday, Volker, Martial, Miten, John, Chelsea, Beth and I went to Finger Lakes State Park to enjoy the spring weather and get some fresh air. I finally got to play around with my 90mm after I had it in service for some focussing issues. It was a pretty amazing day, even though it was a little bit cooler than we expected. But we managed to keep ourselves warm with Beth’s washers set.

For all those who (like me) don’t know what washers is: It’s a game where you have to toss washers into a box from a certain distance. There’s a tube in the box, and if you manage to land your washer in the tube, your team gets three points. If it lands in the box, it’s worth one point. It’s not easy, as the washers tend to bounce out of the box even if you land them perfectly. But it’s fun as hell.

Once it got too cold to stay out, we all headed over to Beth’s and started a spontaneous barbecue. Her neighbors joined in, too, and it turned out to be a pretty fun night…

The crowd arrives at the picnic spot at Finger Lakes State Park.

John tries to calm down Presley, one of Chelsea’s two cats, who were with us on the trip and quite excited.

A truly international crowd: Volker from Germany, Martial from Cameroon and Miten from England (left to right).

They have a fire pitch at Beth’s place, so we combed their back yard for some fallen branches and found some nice, big pieces of wood. Kept us warm for the night…

Tatsuro (center), an exchange student from Japan, came over along with a few other people and added another continent to our international mix.